If you’ve ever cared for an aging parent, a child with special needs, or a loved one battling a long-term illness, chances are you’ve said this more times than you can count. “I’m fine.” “I’m just tired.” “I’ll rest later.” What if the toll it’s taking on you has already begun to show?

Caregiving is one of the most selfless acts of love, but it often comes at a heavy price. Emotional burnout, exhaustion, anxiety and even depression often take hold without warning. The harsh reality? Many caregivers don’t recognise the signs of burnout, until it’s already too late.

The alarming reality: When caregiving takes a toll

Imagine this: You wake up feeling drained, your patience wearing thin, and every small request feels overwhelming. You start snapping at loved ones, forget things more often, and struggle to sleep. Does this sound familiar? These are red flags of caregiver burnout.

Why don’t caregivers ask for help? The answer is often guilt. Many believe taking a break means they’re failing their loved one. But here’s the harsh truth. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You deserve care, too.

Are you at risk? Ask yourself these questions:

If you answered yes to most of these, it’s time to pause and reassess. Burnout is real, and ignoring it won’t make it go away.

EXPERT INSIGHT

Emotional exhaustion can have far-reaching effects on both mental and physical wellbeing. Recognising its early signs is crucial in preventing long-term health consequences. As mentioned by Dr Tay, here are four key categories of emotional exhaustion:

• Cognitive changes: This includes difficulties with memory, trouble concentrating, a tendency to focus on negatives, and constant worrying or ruminating.
• Behavioural changes: You may notice changes in appetite and/or sleep patterns, withdrawal from others, or increased fatigue
• Emotional changes: Feelings of low mood, anxiety, irritability, or an inability to care can be indicative of emotional exhaustion.
• Physical changes: These may include frequent aches and pains, stomachaches, headaches, and nausea.

These signs typically arise when the resources available to the caregiver are depleted. Resources here refer to both internal aspects, such as emotional and physical health, and external factors, including finances and support from family or work.

What can you do?

Set boundaries
Learn to say no. You can’t do everything, and that’s fine. Delegate tasks when possible.

Take micro-breaks
Even a five-minute deep breathing exercise can help reset your stress levels.

Seek emotional support
Find a friend, counsellor, or support group where you can speak freely without judgement.

Get professional help
If anxiety or depression is affecting your daily life, it’s time to seek professional guidance. Prioritise your mental health without hesitation.

EXPERT TIP

To prevent the long-term impact of emotional exhaustion, caregivers can focus on strengthening these resources. Consider the following strategies, as suggested by Dr Tay:

• Self-care: Prioritise your health by eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. If necessary, respite care such as having healthcare aides visit your home or enrolling your loved one in adult care programs can also be beneficial.
• Calming strategies: Techniques like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or physical activity can help reduce stress. Other calming activities, may include listening to soothing music or taking a warm bath.
• Building social support: Actively seek and accept help from friends, family, or support groups. Connecting with others who understand your situation can make the caregiving journey feel less isolating. Regularly spending time with friends and family offers valuable respite and helps restore emotional balance.

By recognising the signs early and actively working to replenish your resources, you can protect both your mental and physical health while navigating the challenges of caregiving

How governments can step up for caregivers

Caregiving is too often seen as a personal responsibility, yet the mental and physical toll on caregivers is not just an individual burden; it is a societal issue that demands systemic support. Too many caregivers struggle in silence, unaware of available resources or unable to access them due to financial or bureaucratic barriers.

The context of the rapidly aging populations in the APAC region, where many countries are becoming “super-aged,” this issue becomes even more urgent. Governments have a critical role in shaping a caregiver-friendly environment. Policy change is not optional; it is essential for preserving the wellbeing of caregivers, which in turn supports the quality of care provided to those who need it most.

One key area of improvement is ensuring that resources, such as respite care, counselling services, and support groups, are easy to find and available in native languages. In Singapore, for example, making these resources available in Mandarin, Malay, Tamil, and English can help caregivers access the support they need without unnecessary barriers.

Here are practical steps governments can take:

• Simplify access to respite care: Make respite care services more affordable and easily accessible to caregivers, ensuring they don’t have to jump through hoops to take a break.
• Provide mental health support: Offering free or subsidised counselling specifically designed for caregivers can prevent stress from escalating into more severe mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety. Proactive mental health support helps caregivers navigate the emotional toll of their role while improving their overall wellbeing and caregiving effectiveness.
• Expand paid family leave: Expanding paid family leave policies is another step governments should take. This ensures caregivers are not forced to choose between caring for a loved one and maintaining their financial stability, promoting both physical and financial health.
• Increase awareness of resources: Governments should run campaigns to make caregivers aware of available services. It’s crucial that these resources are communicated clearly and in the languages caregivers use every day.

Now is the time for governments to take action. By simplifying access to caregiving resources and making them more available in native languages, governments can significantly ease the burden on caregivers and improve the lives of those they care for.

EXPERT INSIGHT

Do you recall the flight safety instructions regarding the oxygen masks when you travel? The advice is always to put the mask on yourself before you put it on for others. This is because when your wellbeing and safety are assured, the chances of you taking better care of your loved ones are higher as well. By taking care of yourself, you are building your resources to manage the stressors of the caregiving journey.

However, one of the biggest barriers to self-care is guilt, where we often believe that taking time out for ourselves means we will have less time and energy for our loved ones. To address this guilt and make self-care sustainable, consider the following strategies:

• Setting boundaries: This is a critical form of self-care, as it involves communicating your needs and personal limits clearly to those around you. A common difficulty with setting boundaries is the fear that others might view you as selfish, unkind, demanding, or "high-maintenance" because it might be something new you're introducing. However, remember that by setting boundaries, you're creating space to rest and replenish your resources so you can care for your loved one more effectively.
• Schedule self-care: Once you’ve set boundaries, it’s important to follow through by making self-care a regular part of your routine. Scheduling self-care increases its importance, making it less likely that you’ll neglect it.
• Start small: If you’re not familiar or comfortable with dedicating time to self-care, it’s perfectly fine to start small. What’s the easiest activity you’re willing and able to engage in right now? A walk in the garden, sitting at the void deck, or even a 15-minute bath can work wonders for your wellbeing.
• Giving yourself permission: Finally, give yourself permission to prioritise self-care. Tell yourself that it is a necessity. When you feel well, you can think more clearly and be fully present for your loved ones. This, in turn, allows you to offer more effective care.

By addressing the guilt associated with self-care and setting boundaries, you ensure that both you and your loved ones receive the attention and care that you deserve.

How to support a caregiver experiencing burnout

If you know someone who is a caregiver and showing signs of burnout, you have the power to make a real difference. Here’s how:

• Offer practical help: Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer something specific like run errands, cook a meal, or take over for a few hours.
• Encourage self-care: Gently remind them that their wellbeing matters too. Offer to join them for a walk, a meditation session, or a short outing.
• Listen without judgement: Sometimes, caregivers just need to vent. Allow them to express their frustrations without rushing to “fix” everything.
• Check-in regularly: A simple text message or call can make them feel less isolated. Ask how they’re doing, not just about the person they’re caring for.
• Help them find resources: Share information on local support groups, counselling services, or respite care (short-term) options. They might not have the time or energy to look for help themselves.

EXPERT INSIGHT

According to the Caregiver Support Action Plan by the Agency for Integrated Care (AIC), existing caregiver support policies address key areas such as financial, physical, and infrastructural assistance. The AIC provides a comprehensive overview of these support policies on their website.

While these policies have seen improvements over the years, it is equally important to consider the mental and emotional toll caregiving can take. Dr Tay notes that there is a clear need for more structured mental health support, such as subsidised counselling or caregiver peer support groups, to help reduce stress and combat social isolation.

Additionally, caregiving often adds to a caregiver’s daily responsibilities, including work. Unlike maternity or childcare leave, there is currently no mandatory caregiver leave for those looking after elderly family members, which further underscores the need for policy enhancement.

In conclusion, caregivers bear significant responsibilities that can lead to burnout and mental health challenges when their resources are depleted. To prevent this, self-care must be prioritised. Remember, self-care is not selfish; it’s essential. Put on your oxygen mask before you put it on for others!

When to take action: Don’t wait for a breakdown

Many caregivers wait until they are completely overwhelmed before seeking help. But burnout doesn’t only affect you; it also impacts the quality of care you provide. Taking action early benefits both you and your loved one.

If you’re feeling persistently exhausted, emotionally numb, or struggling with your mental health, don’t wait. Reach out NOW. You don’t have to wait for a breaking point.

Resources

Australia: Carers Australia provides counselling, financial aid, and respite services.
India: HelpAge India and Snehi offer helplines for caregivers experiencing stress and mental health challenges.
Malaysia: The Malaysian Caregiver Support Network connects caregivers with resources, counselling, and training.
Philippines: The Dementia Society of Philippines provide caregiver training and emotional support services.
Singapore: Caregivers Alliance Limited and Dementia Singapore offer free programs and emotional support groups.

Caring for someone you love is an incredible act of kindness, but it can also take a significant toll on your health and wellbeing. Your mental and physical health are just as important. Don't wait until you’re at a breaking point. Seeking help is not a sign of failure; it’s a necessary step for both you and the person you care for.

You’re not alone in this journey. Reach out for support, whether it’s talking to a professional, connecting with a caregiver support group, or simply asking for a break. Your wellbeing matters, and taking small steps now can make all the difference.

EXPERT CONTRIBUTOR
Dr Tay Yi Ling
Clinical Psychologist
Annabelle Psychology
Instagram: @annabellepsychology